And Why it is So Healthy

We have all experienced the phenomenon of liberation from conventionality and societal norms when on vacation. This is true on vanilla vacations where you might have tried an adventure sport like skydiving or scuba diving that you might never have dared to at home. Or even something as pedestrian as eating something which would never normally pass your lips- not only enjoying it, but relishing it.

Ok, so imagine that freedom from conventionality or inhibition, throw in a lack of clothing and then shock the mix with a healthy dose of sexual electricity and- poof! -you have the lifestyle resorts and adventures many have come to know and love and others dream of experiencing.

For so many couples resorts like Hedonism, Desire & Caliente Caribe, along with specialty trips like our upcoming “Erotic Caribbean Au Naturel Cruise,” are their first foray into the “Lifestyle”. There is a very good reason for this: thrust into the open and erotic atmosphere of these venues and freed from conventionality, this is often the first time couples will let down their guards and inhibitions sufficiently enough to open themselves up to experience the truly sexual side of their minds and relationship.

For some, this experience is saved for those annual trips to their favorite resort but for most it is like discovering a whole new and exciting side of your relationship that is enhanced and strengthened. This often begins a more intimate journey into exploring your relationship and enjoying new adventures together.

So what makes it healthy? There are a number of things that we hear from our travelers which create an anecdotal picture of this experience.

For many couples, this first exploration represents a monumental leap in the level of communication they have about their relationship and sexuality. For those that go regularly it is like a booster shot keeping their relationship healthy by making sure the lines of communication are open and strong.

It is funny how many (particularly vanilla) couples who spend their years working, raising families and building their lives rarely or never discuss their relationship, particularly as it relates to sex.

This lack of communication about this basic human emotion and need can often be the pink elephant in the room of a relationship. Exploring your sexuality together, in an open and adventurous way puts this discussion front and center. I cannot tell you the number of travelers that have told us how their lifestyle vacation brought them closer together and energized their romance.

Another benefit is that this is a safe environment. You are away from your home town and normal circle of friends. As a matter of fact, you will likely not know anyone nor will they know you. This anonymity provides a buffer to allow you to explore in a safe and relaxed environment.

Finally, you are there to enjoy yourselves, so your mental and physical receptors are already running at high speed and open to new input. There is a built-in willingness and actual expectation to experience new things.

So next time you are thinking about booking a lifestyle vacation think of it as a booster shot for your already loving relationship, although I will have to admit, I have not been able to find a health insurance policy yet that will cover it J.

Jonathan Baltuch, along with his wife and best friend Lori are the owners of ShoesOnlyTravel.com. He can be reached there or through their profile here at Kasadie “ShoesOnlyTravel”.

All travelers to the various erotic resorts have what I like to call “sexpectations”. It is exactly these “sexpectations” that will influence their choice of resort, week and or group, and ultimately whether or not the adventure is a memorable one.

Sex-pec-ta-tions

1. The act or state of expecting : anticipating sexual adventures
2. Basis for expecting : assurance of sexual adventures
3. Prospects of experiencing sex

While everyone has sexpectations, like fantasies, they are not all the same. Although there are an endless number of variables and sub fantasies we breakdown the sexpectations of the majority of our travelers (couples) into three primary categories.

Adventure Travelers (voyeurs) – Those seeking to be immersed in an erotic, even sexually charged atmosphere to enhance and recharge their own sexuality and relationship. They are excited, even aroused by being in the erotic atmosphere, but do not have any desire to play or interact with anyone other than their own mate.

Virgin Explorers – Couples who have not really been involved in the lifestyle before. They have usually talked with each other about expanding and experimenting with their relationship. Typically, they view the open and free atmosphere of a clothing optional or nude resort as a great venue to experiment. Also, as we all know and most likely have personally experienced, often you are willing to try things when in a vacation atmosphere, in a foreign country surrounded by strangers that you might never consider in your home environment.

Seasoned Lifestylers – You know who you are, you may never have been to a lifestyle resort or you may have a tree at Hedo II (for those that do not know when you visit Hedo II 25 times they plant a palm tree with your name- there is a dentist that has 3!) either way you are there to experience and soak in everything and possibly everyone J

So how do you balance your Sexpectations and what is realistic to anticipate? As you can imagine they are different for each of the groups above, but oddly enough the three groups generally live in peaceful harmony at the same time at the same resort.

With that said, depending on your category and your sexpectations, there certainly might be different resorts and weeks where you are more likely to find more of your species!

This is where we work most closely with our travelers, helping them to select the right resort and the right week to allow them to realize and fulfill their sexpectations. Which resort is best? Should they just go on a normal week, or should it be a group week? How long should they go for? These are just a few of the factors to consider.

I like to tell folks, there is never any pressure to do something they may not be comfortable with. If anything, they might have to make their desires known or they may find themselves left totally alone out of respect for their space. Now I am not saying you need to wear a hat that says “come fuck us” (although some have recommended that as a tool) but you do have to present yourselves as open and willing to explore in order to get into that situation.

So, in short, think about your sexpectations, discuss them with your partner, then do it again and then do it again (communication is the key) J Then, when working with your favorite travel professional, don’t be afraid to tell them what category you fall into and what are your Sexpectations……it will pay off with the best vacation of your life J

This is the inaugural issue of a monthly travel column I have been asked to write for Kasidie. Over the coming months, I will take a look at various resorts and travel related issues from the point of view of the Lifestyle and Au Naturel communities.

Sometimes I will look at a particular resort and other times a specific issue but, regardless of the topic, I will explore it from that unique perspective of those of us in the Kasidie community. I will endeavor to make the observations and information poignant, informative, funny and hopefully a little bit sexy to capture the true flavor of the community and experience.

Quick background, my wife Lori & I own and operate Shoes Only Travel. As a niche market agency we only provide Lifestyle and Au Naturel Travel. This brings us in contact with a variety of people from all over the world and from all walks of life, all with one common desire, the enjoyment of Lifestyle & Au Naturel travel.

I thought that a good place to start would be with the most common question we get “Which is the best resort”? The answer to this age old question is……drum roll please……..”There is no correct answer”, at least not the same answer for everyone.

As different and diverse as people’s hopes expectations and desires are, so are their likes and dislikes. To make things even more complicated the same resort can have a totally different personality and vibe on different weeks depending on who is there.

Finally, from pretty much everyone’s perspective, while they might have a favorite resort, there are always things they like at one over another.  So someone may say they like resort A the best, but they really like the beach at resort B or the food at resort C or the party atmosphere at resort D and so on.

For Lori and I we certainly have certain resorts or adventures that we prefer over another but, depending what we are seeking on the specific trip we may prefer a different resort than our favorite because of the specific experience or crowd we are seeking on that trip. Basically, what I would say is if, for example, you have been to Hedo II 5 times maybe you should give Hedo III or Desire a try and Visa Versa you might surprise yourself!

It’s funny, whether from the US, Canada or Europe the questions, concerns and sense of excitement are relatively uniform from the “Virgin Traveler”. It usually revolves around a combination of excitement and fear of the unknown. For these travelers a common question and it is usually spurred by the mystic of Hedo (The granddaddy of this resort category) revolves around visions of Sodom and Gomorra J

What I like to say is, and this applies to most of our resorts is “Everything you have heard is true and everything you have heard is false”. This is because on any given week pretty much any experience from mild to wild is available to you. Although I would say that most newbie’s are somewhat surprised that it does not resemble stories of Caligula.

I touched on the most common questions we hear when speaking with our Virgin Adventurers - here is the most frequent comment we get upon their return; “This was the best vacation of our lives and we only want to travel to Lifestyle or Au Naturel resorts in the future, oh, BTW, we were looking at the calendar for next year and are these dates available?”

Jonathan Baltuch, along with his wife and best friend Lori are the owners of ShoesOnlyTravel.com. He can be reached there or through their profile here at Kasadie “ShoesOnlyTravel”.

Getting started in “the lifestyle” has fascinated you for awhile now.  You’ve decided to book a trip to an adult playground but are unsure of which one and how to behave there.  C’mon, Shoes Only Travel does more than get you to your destination, they are there to help you make the best choice for you.

 To get started, take the Traveler Personality Profile to find out which is the right destination for you.  Hedonism may sound like fun, but maybe a bit more than you’re ready for.  Let Shoes Only help you plan a vacation for you that is a better fit.  You can always go back for more- it is, after all, a lifestyle, not a vacation style!

Once you have your itinerary booked, you can start looking up information about what to expect on your trip.  In on-line resort forums, the best, most informational posts are from experienced vacationers; ones who have been to the resorts multiple times and probably make an annual visit.  They know the staff by nickname, they have their room all picked out, and they can tell you how wild and crazy things can get.  It sounds like fun for them, intimidating for you.  This is your first time.  Not to worry.  Everyone has a first time.  All the regulars remember their first time and are happy to welcome you into the family.  Running naked to the beach after dropping your toothbrush off in your room might be too fast for you.  Read up and find out the best spots to people watch.  Plan a day to warm up to the whole scene, and be ready to throw all expectations out the window too!

But still, you don’t want to go in totally clueless.  Continue reading.  A great first step regardless of where you’ll start your swinging experience is to learn swinger etiquette.  There is no better way to stand out like a sore thumb than to not know how to handle yourself.  Remember things like the importance of talking to people regardless of how nervous you are.  A drink may help ease the tension. Dress sexy.  It will help boost your confidence as well as get you noticed.  Above all else communicate with your partner.  You are always in control and always have the right to say no.  Browsing might be the easiest first step you can take before jumping in head first.

Beyond the internet, there are some helpful books to consider.  One that gets high reviews is Swinging for Beginners: an introduction to the lifestyle.  It helps open up communication between you and your partner about conversations you might not know enough to have, offers tips, and tells real world stories from people who started right where you are. 

Regardless of how you learn about the lifestyle, remember to keep an open mind.  The best way to let yourself go regardless of where you go is to go with the flow.  You might find yourself in a situation you never dreamed possible that will blow your mind and have you panting for more.  All the studying in the world is useless unless you get yourself out there and experience it for yourself!

Did you know that in some states* “It is illegal for a man to have an erection that is visible through his clothing?”

When you’re in the swinger lifestyle, you see some pretty stupid stuff.  But, the judgments don’t only come from the common, everyday American.  No, sometimes they are put into legal form, brought before the general public, and made into laws.

Here are some of the stupidest sex laws from across the U.S. of A.  Enjoy the laughs and then remember that something had to happen that made these become law!  How about this gem from Newcastle, Wyoming

“An ordinance specifically bans couples from having sex while standing inside a store’s walk-in meat freezer!”

Talk about a chilly willy!

(If the link is not clickable, follow me though the rabbit hole… http://www.kasidie.com/static/magazine/2008/02/strange-sex-laws.html)

* Arizona, Florida, Idaho, Indiana, Massachusetts, Mississippi, Nebraska, Nevada, New York, Ohio, Oklahoma, Oregon, South Dakota, Tennessee, Utah, Vermont, Washington D.C. and Wisconsin.

The times have never felt so mid 1970’s as they do now.  Recession, corporate layoffs, uncertain political times.  Enter CBS’s taboo new summer series Swingtown.  With characters facing the same tough times we’re facing today, it’s easy to identify with the show. 

As the name would imply, Swingtown also brings the swinger lifestyle into it’s viewers homes at 10PM every Friday night.  With openly swinger central characters, Tom and Trina, the show also brings a lot of controversy.  Rumor has it that CBS is having problems securing advertisers for the show. Paired with the firestorm of controversy surrounding it, the future of this show is up in the air.  One thing is certain; fans of the show are fiercely loyal.

Fans and fanatics hotly discuss everything about the show from it’s story lines to it’s morality on the CBS Swingtown community forum. If you’ve missed out, you can catch most of the show’s episodes online and get in the swing!

Learn more about Swingtown at http://www.cbs.com/primetime/swingtown/

Alternative lifestyles are getting a lot more attention in the media lately.  Of course polygamy (the practice of being married to more than one woman) creates headlines in the news, but the internet is crawling with forums for people living alternative lifestyles and now TV is has waved bye-bye to the taboo line of same-sex kissing on the small screen and gone to full on bisexual and gay relationships, and swinging has made it to the big 3 networks.

CBS’ new television show, Swingtown, has brought open marriages into prime time and made it available to anyone with basic cable.  It is exciting to see misconceptions about open marriages being corrected. Just because Tina and Tom are swingers, does not mean that anything goes.  There are still just as many emotions involved, and they are just as sensitive as the next person in line at the grocery store. Their discussion forum is heated, though many people under the guise of anonymity are posting their experiences and support for the show. 

Not being so anonymous, Will Smith and Jada Pinkett Smith have recently brought their marriage into the open.  Of course, this is also sparking a lot of debate.  To me, the important thing is that he’s talking about honesty in the relationship which is really the key to any successful relationship, open or closed.

The surge in exposure is driving people to websites for all types of lifestyles.  The conversations are important.  It is great to see people talking about what they want and how to get it either in their current relationship, by working on the relationship, and/or changing it as needed.  It’s also good for people to share experiences.  Not every open marriage stays open. Not every polyamorous relationship ends up happy.  Then again, monogamous relationships don’t always end in a ride into the sunset either.

If you’re looking to take a walk on the wild side, Shoes Only Travel offers great travel packages to places like Hedonism resorts, Desire resorts, and other exciting clothing optional excursions like Au Naturel, Lifestyle cruises where the Vegas tag line, “what happens in _____________ (Hedo, Desire, vacation) stays in _____________” apply.  The warm Caribbean waters can bring out some hot adventures.  Let Shoes Only take care of the travel arrangements while you prepare for the time of your life.

Regardless of where people fall on the relationship spectrum, the most important thing is dialogue in relationships; being able to talk about your needs and desires. Perhaps when we start with our own relationships, we can begin to think about other types of relationships and how they fulfill our needs.